Monday, July 21, 2014

Feeling Meh



"According to Chanakya Pandita, women are generally not very intelligent and therefore not trustworthy." (Bhagavad-gita 1.40, Purport)

Not just this.. Something about women being prone to be unchaste and stuff like that and how it is upon the men of a family to take care that a woman does not go astray?
What are we cattle?
And who made man the king of the world? Like he is so pure and free of vice.
Remember the ever so controversial verse from Tulsidas ‘'Dhol,Gawar,Shudra ,Pashu aur Nari' ,Ye sab tadan ke adhikari.”
And also what about women of other families? They should be allowed to go ‘astray’?
Then there was Manu, the Indian law giver, with his much celebrated recitation of law, ‘manu smriti’. He was not a big fan of us women either.
Do you know how deeply that is embedded in our society to this date?
No wonder, women are treated like they are in this country.
I was going through a bit of a rough spot and someone close to me suggested that I should read Bhagvad Gita, and was kind enough to lend me his own copy.
I happily obliged.
And while there is some absolute wisdom in Shrimad Bhgvad Gita, it is these so called scholars who piss me off. After centuries of blindly following their word, can we seriously expect the society to suddenly take a u-turn and start viewing women in a different light? You know as fully independent individuals who are more than capable of taking care of themselves.
In a country like ours where ‘smart’ girl is considered more of a derogatory comment than praise, sometimes I wonder where exactly are we headed.
There is more to women than simple child bearing. I know that, some of you know that but when is it that all of us will know this – and not just on paper.
So many legislations in place for women reform but let me tell you something we can never legislate for reform, REFORM COMES FROM WITHIN.
Next time you sit next to an unknown woman on a bus – try earning her respect.  You don’t have to do much, just not staring will suffice. And if you see some one else doing it – please for once don’t mind your own business, speak up. And just because I mentioned a bus doesn’t mean that those who don’t use a bus are off the hook.
Go to the fanciest of the gyms in town and you’d know what I am talking about.
Ill behavior has nothing to do with class, age or even gender for that matter. But as the generation next if we don’t start putting things in perspective beginning right now, who knows what our children may face when they grow up.






Saturday, July 19, 2014

What an Idea Sir ji!

Disclaimer: This post is longer than I usually care to write but you better not leave midway!
So you wake up at seven (which I personally think is the best time to wake up- not too early, not too late), to a hot steaming cup of green tea and wonderful weather outside. You have a hint of a smile on you and you like it (How often does it happen to you after all?)
Not wanting to step out of the bed, you stretch your moments of bliss as much as you possibly can – silently repeating in your head  your new ‘not so secret’ vow to live life to the fullest.
Wow! Happiness is just a state of mind after all. I guess they were right. Look at me. So happy!
And then you make the ultimate mistake. You reach out for your phone.
And the first and by the way the only message you see on it is from airtel people, tempting you to talk to Ms Leone. And the true blue Piscean that you are – you imagine yourself giving her a call. What would you say to her, if at all you talk to her?


‘Hi babe, I hear you are hosting Splitsvilla these days?’
‘Wow! Don’t tell me you actually wasted a moment thinking about it. Some life you have!’ Enough of reminiscing  get to work,'- It was time the true blue Meena Kumari in me was up.

Because only thing worse than getting a Sunny Leone message is - you know? getting that advertisement on your sidebar – Are you single? Don’t wait anymore. Find hot dates in your neighbourhood.


Now you wonder, why the fcuk were you so jubilant about yourself last night?
That’s it. Last night’s Sangria is out of your system and it’s time you took the ‘I HEART LIFE’ sticker off your fcuking forehead.


Last night I was out with a friend whose company I really really cherish.  Reason being she is a lot like me.You know she is not like me-like me per say (she is Hawt) but she is like me in the matters of love – i.e, unlucky ;-)


Okay ‘truth’ apart, there are two categories of girls.
One is who meet someone nice, fall in love in like a day or something and have cute babies.
Lol and then there is this other category (we are a limited few) We have no strong feelings towards love as such but we sure do love to chase the sweet illusions of love.
And boy! Do we love that chase? I think we love it more than love itself.
We like not knowing.
We get accused of not knowing even when true love bites us in the behind.
We get blamed for making the wrong choices.


Anyway I guess I should come to the point. 
So part reason why we ended up meeting yesterday was because I am leaving town in a bit, for a bit and part reason was that she had apparently found the love of her life and it was time we ripped open the wraps on this one. You know dissecting the boyfriend inch by inch.


‘Okay so dinner it is, I can’t wait to see you,’ she gushed and hung up.


‘Urghhh.. not her too,’ I looked up for my whiny make belief one on one with God.


‘You know you’d love him. He doesn’t even facebook or watsapp, for crying out loud. He calls - Like a real man - sooooo old school. He does not know any other way. That tipsy turvy feeling of love – I have it like all the time. Every time he calls, I have butterflies somersaulting all the way from my tummy to my small intestine. ’ We hadn’t even heard the specials yet and here was my newly in love friend, making me hear every little detail of the new lad in town.
‘What does he do?’

‘You mean besides making my world go whroooom?’

‘Very funny,’ I rolled my eyes.

‘He is a lawyer.’

‘I thought you hated lawyers.’

‘Yeah, that was until I found him. Which reminds me you should hear him speak. You’ll fall for that voice, five seconds flat.’

‘I am sure I will,’ I managed a forced smile, ‘Good looking?’

‘Hmmm not bad,’ she gave it a thought, ‘but I don’t think it’s his voice or his looks or even his profession that counts?’


‘Then what does?’


‘It’s something beyond the obvious.. and I mean it. When we talk, I feel things which we only read about in novels and see in the movies - we dont just talk - we connect.’


‘Okay so how long have you been dating?’ I tried cutting her short. I mean she was a close friend alright but there was no need for her to rub her amazing love life in her pathetically single friend’s face.


‘Oh! No, we are not dating. In fact we have not even met. Not even had a cup of coffee together,’ she replied somewhat dismissively.


‘Oh! You have not,’ I absorbed the rather significant piece of information which I don’t know why she had forgotten to mention so far. ‘Well, then tell me one thing girlfriend, What the fcuk are we doing discussing a make-belief boyfriend?’


‘Oh no, he exists alright. He is just not my boyfriend,’ she said tossing a free salted peanut in her mouth.’


‘And why is that so?’


‘Well for two reasons. One I don’t think he is quite there yet. I mean we flirt back and forth but I suppose he is too chicken or uninterested whatever it is of the two, to start something real. And two, even if we were to start something with this ‘luke warm sentiment’ I am not sure it'd go too far.’


‘And yet you seem surprisingly upbeat about it?’ I had to ask.


‘Yes, because I have it all figured out.’


‘Do care to share,’ I prodded.


‘Well, see who knows if or when we get there? And even if we do get there, chances are that we’d fuck it up.’


‘hmm’


‘But you know what can never be fucked up?’


‘What?’


‘It’s the idea of him. See mind numbingly appealing as he is, he is bound to be flawed ---- THEY ALL ARE --- and if I keep flirting with the idea of him, I may never find out those flaws.  And you know what I have realized it’s the idea of him being so utterly perfect that excites me more than the guy himself. Now that’s romantic, isn’t it?’


‘That’s fucked up, that’s what it is.’ I replied, a little happy inside, that not another one of my single girlfriends is getting whisked away.


‘Come on you know what I am talking. How often do we meet a great guy?’


‘Not that often,’ I replied rather quickly, not wanting to think about my life at all. All I ever run into is .... well, a topic for another day.


‘Like a clean loo at the ISBT - it's a rare find,' she stated in a very matter-of-factly way, 'So what do you do when you find one?' She paused for a second, as if she wanted me to answer it for her.. Looked disappointed at my apparent lack of interest and continued, 'tch... you either date him and wait for him to become one of the regular ordinary run of the mill annoying  jackass, or, you preserve the idea of him forever.’


‘Kind of like deep frozen peas?’


‘Exactly.’


‘Wow’


‘No seriously, like this you can enjoy, you can be tingly and be dazzled by this amazing man that no one else knows of. He can make your toes curl, just by a phone call and no one get's hurt. A total win win.' She shrugged as if she had found the ultimate way to salvation.


‘Is it possible that it is just infatuation on your part?’


‘Infatuation, my ass! I get infatuated by puppies. This is definitely something real. It’s just that am not gonna act on it.’


That said and she was genuinely back to being herself, the fun sorted girl that I have always known.


Which made me wonder as to how mechanical we have become in relationships today. This new found ability of not letting anything put us down. Not wanting to run away from real emotions but at the same time being so ruthlessly practical, that if we can’t have him, we are more than okay with just the ‘idea of him’.
Because, rightly enough, no one can ever spoil that idea for us!

But in our bid to run away from hurt and grief, how unreal are we willing to be?

Harmless flirting with a guy we like - so that we get through the day at least - is this what today's relationships have stooped down to?
First we never meet some one who makes us feel like what we want to be felt like,
and even if miraculously enough, we find that someone, It's most certainly with a lot of baggage,
And no one today wants to lug around someone else's crap, especially when we got so much of our own.

So what are the odds of meeting someone where a relationship can slip beyond the superficial.
Where there is no bullshit, where we can cut it out, get real and be like that without the fear of having committed a blunder, yet again.

Damn I could go on .....


P.S. I am not usually this corny ;-) But the post called for it.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Gangs of Parliament


Didi is hurt and Biwi is sorry!
But wait till you hear the culprit’s story.
Grave provocation – that’s his ‘defense’.
Mind we rape you? No offense!

And did you know there was more to the plan.
Kill the opposition and their extended clan.
Chill my friends, I used to be a goon.
And now your MP – an added boon.
Dear mantri ji , what’s with the lunacy?
Last I checked - we were still a democracy.

Through brazen speeches and sickening threats
Politicians sleep and the nation frets.
Relax you guys and put it to rest,
Just see the comments in the “right” context.
An MP’s good sense gone for a six,
But it’s nothing that an apology, won’t fix.

Also I hear, its bye bye short skirts
Cause you are asking for it, if he flirts.
So girls, better bid adieu to all your little joys’
For our men will be men and boys will – alas!-be boys.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Overdose killed the Comedy Star!


I like Kapil. He gave a new meaning to the comedy on Indian Television – He MADE IT FUNNY.

I like Honda. They give us reliable cars.

But whatever these two did, when they put their minds together – I DEFINETLY DID NOT LIKE IT.

Kapil, a small towner, makes me beam with pride every time an Amitabh Bachan walks in on his show.  You know, it’s people like him which give people like us a ray of hope. That never mind the jacks and the pulls and the rich powerful genes, HARD WORK STILL IS THE ULTIMATE KEY TO SUCCESS.  

But does that mean that I like how he pulls those mean oneliners on his wife (Comically masquerading their way through the show as ‘funny shots’)?  I guess not!  Every time he tells her to have a good look in the mirror, or to you know learn from the ‘hot’ women guests a thing or two, or generally to “just buzz off”. A tiny part of my heart feels the sting – but I never let myself look into it because I fear being termed ‘uptight’. ‘You are looking too much into it? It's just a well meaning comey show,' I’d reason with myself and pretend laugh with friends even though the insensitivity in those one liners may sometimes (I repeat, sometimes) be gut wrenching. 

Let’s just say there is a kid in the family and he is watching his elders really laugh and enjoy at how Sharma ji converses with his wife… Are you telling me that, that kid is not going to pick a thing or two from Bittoo Sharma? Again Kapil is not really at fault per say – Just like Honey Singh – he is only representing our general mindset as a nation. But just cause it is general – does it become right?

That sometimes this ‘family show’ crosses all boundaries – (And yes, this from a Splitsvillan) 

How most of the punch-lines of the show are appearance centric? Here good looking women, are celebrated with unmatched gusto but god forbid, you are fat and you are dead. And what’s with that exaggerated goatee on Palak? Am I the only one disgusted?

That women are nothing but talking props on his show, is another thing. Well, of course not the make belief one’s. I am talking about the real one’s  - be it  bua, some padosan or the dear wifey. They are all nothing but meager means to gratify the purpose of ‘sexual objectivity’, again in a funny funny manner.

Well, as long as he makes us laugh! We’d bear with just about anything. Right? We are Indians .. Bearing is our middle name.

But what happens when he loses the comic effect but gets even more ludicrous than before?

Ek saath 7-7 log baith sakte hain, vo bhi adults? Really, Kapil? Really Honda people? Hum ne to suna thi ki achey din aane waale hain – but aapke itne bure din aa jaeyenge – ye nahi pta tha!






This commercial just proves what I feared will happen one day –There is nothing comical about this advertisement but it still retains all the possible flaws.


Here, I leave you with a thought.

An SSB interview going on…

Interviewer: So why do you think you can be an officer?

Interviewee: Because sir, I may not have any of the officer like qualities, but bad habits saari hain. I too smoke and drink, sir ji!